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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Foggy Mountain Breakdown: Eating Leftover BBQ

Well, folks, with my mom being so sick and everything being up in the air, I haven't been getting out and cooking much recently, which has led me to indulge in take-out/delivery food and leftovers. I was saving up frozen 'que to have a big dinner party with friends, but that's looking less likely to happen any time soon.

My mom's cancer has progressed into her lymph nodes and she has an inoperable tumor on her liver. Most likely, she couldn't recover from surgery because she is already so weak. So, we cross our fingers and pray for the chemo to do the job. Sometimes the cure can be worse than the sickness. The whole situation leaves me feeling far away and dazed, afraid and useless. As I watch her, I fuel up on kaleidoscopic emotions that have no destination, and try to find a place to pack them away.
My mom, Memorial Day, 2006
Without any appetite, really, I pulled some smoked sausage and smoked, chopped chuck out of the freezer the other day. Tasted like the summer day when I cooked them. I was happy for a few bites.



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7 Comments:

Anonymous Danielle said...

Your mother is in my thoughts. I know I can't actually do anything to help, but if a box of homemade cookies or something from a stranger would cheer you or her up for just a moment, too, just tell me where to address it.

4:45 PM  
Blogger Backyard Chef said...

Thank you, Danielle. That's a very nice offer. It means alot to me.

Having seen your blog, I have no doubt that those cookies would be outstanding.

Have a fantastic holiday.

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Kate said...

I am really sorry to hear about your Mom. I lost my mom 12 years ago and the sting is always there. It's tough, and being holiday time makes it tougher. You will be in my thoughts and prayers

9:24 AM  
Blogger s'kat said...

I was thinking about you the other day, and wondering how she was doing.

I have an elder neighbor who has been valiantly fighting cancer for a couple of years, but it keeps coming back worse. It's been really sad watching her go though it when there is nothing that you can do.

That really sucks, man. All you can do is offer the love.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Mona said...

Matt, I'm so sorry to hear/read about your mom. That picture of her is beautiful. I've never met you or your mom but through our correspondence I know you're a great guy which means she must be a great woman!! I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. I feel very fortunate to have two healthy parents, but I know it can't last forever. We can't take them for granted because they won't always be around...

8:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Matt!
Just remember that you always have someone to call if you ever feel the need to talk about any or all of those "kaleidoscopic emotions".
Truly. (Love that phrase by the way)

The photo of your Mom is beautiful. She seems to have a very wise and peaceful expression. Your words are a testiment of your devotion. They manage to convey your love, your hope, confusion and heartache. What a fine, personal tribute to a most important woman in your life. As I read this entry, the honest truth of it made me tear up.

We send you and your family "good vibes" in this time of hardship. Please don't hesitate to call. Thank you for being there for my family with our recent trevails. I couldn't wish for a better husband/life companion for my sister.

Peace, Timo

1:02 PM  
Blogger Backyard Chef said...

Thank you all so much. There's nothing like getting a hug when you need one-- even if it is virtual.

Your generosity and soul support mean so much to me right now as I sit at my desk teared up and typing.

1:13 PM  

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