The Hampton Smoker

What's up wtih what's going down? Does a tree falling on the ocean with no one around make a sound? Barbecue, BBQ, Bar-b-que. It's all in how you sell it.

Friday, October 29, 2004

You Can't Choose Your Family.

This is not a political blog. I will admit to being terrified of the impact the Bush Administration (ChimpCo.) is having, and will continue to have, on this country. His regime of dishonest, regressive, fascist ideology and spin doctory clashes in almost every way with my own personal beliefs. He takes pride in having people know where he stands-- he relishes this quality over being correct. People seem to appreciate this facet of his personality-- some even say that this is one of the reasons they will vote for him. They want a president that would rather be stubborn than right. That scares me. I remember other people from my history lessons that were idelogical fanatics. Hmm....Ideological fanatic-- hasn't that claim been used to describe bin Laden?

I will not be voting for Bush, and neither, will many members of his own family. They are brave to speak out, and I'm proud of them for doing so. They, unlike others in their family, reflect the qualities that make America a great country.

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Don't Be Silly, Putty.

Remember Silly Putty? You could stretch it, bounce it, press the sunday comics onto it. Well, apparently, one can make Silly Putty shatter if one works hard enough. I learned about it all at Silly Putty University.

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Toxic Paprika

Goodbye Goulash.

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So Long, Dairy Queen.

No, I'm not talking about a homosexual that loves dairy products. I'm talking about Danny Gaulden from New Mexico. Danny and has family bought a Dairy Queen restaurant and he started selling bbq out of the place. It became local legend and then national legend-- supposedly some of the best food you can find in the country. Well, soon the DQ ice cream only amounted for about 17% of their sales, and Danny has finally broken ranks with the DQ and is opening his own place, specifically to serve his authentic 'pit' bbq.

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Thursday, October 28, 2004

The Roach Coach

Tom Perrotta, if you are listening, I just want to tell you that you rock. Your books are fresh air in the windowless room of american contemporary fiction.

I'm finishing Joe College right now and have read Election, Bad Haircut and The Wishbones-- all of which are exceptionally smart, funny and honest books that paint an accurate portrait of growing pains-- even those which hit in early adulthood. Your writing is like a conversation with a lifelong friend, a person you can't b.s., someone who has seen you gangly and awkward and applauded your bravest moments of suave.

I'll let this gushfest end by saying in my dreams of writing, my words come out sounding like yours. Good stuff.

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Try the snake, it's lean

You know when you get that lunchtime itch to break out of your rut? Try some ideas from the food stalls and vendors in Hong Kong.

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Just like a cat

With it's tail caught in a screen door. Watch as this annoying, hyper-perky young woman sings for you until frustration gets the better of her audience'll see.

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Do you Q?

I'm a yankee, born and raised. A northerner-- from New York City, no less. To lots of people in our country, that's a reason to be wary of me. There's some prejudice against us folks that remains locked in a timeless hangover of lifetimes past. I'll leave the politics aside. But I was only slightly shocked when someone on a Texas bbq forum saw that I was from NYC and said "He's a Nu Yawkah-- someone get me a rope!" Should I say-- "He's from Texas, someone get a dictionary?" I don't think so.

There are some facets of life away from NYC that appeal to me, and some parts of life in the city I despise. One thing that's undeniable is that it is very, very hard to find good barbecue in NYC. Not impossible, but difficult. In fact, "authentic" bbq--not even talking about food cooked in a trench in the ground, just cooked properly over a small fire with the right woods-- is vanishing in this country for many reasons. Recently, it's been getting a little easier in New York, as new restaurants are appearing that attempt to cook their 'q according to the philosophies, styles and techniques that have made this cuisine one of America's greatest accomplishments. This means that ribs aren't boiled and brisket isn't cooked in a crock pot with liquid smoke.

Look for Dinosaur Bar-b-Que to open uptown, and The Baron of Barbecue, Paul Kirk to open R.U.B. Bar-b-que in the next month or two. Below are some links to New York restaurants, as well as some places to look on the web to find out about the sport of barbecue and why it's getting so darn popular. My restaurant picks are in bold. This is NOT a complete list.

Techniques, Tips, etc..

A look at some grills and smokers

Daisy May's BBQ USA-- Fancy pants chef turns to the q. He also cooks at the Penthouse 'gentleman's club' and has a growing fleet of street carts.

Blue Smoke and Jazz Standard-- A lil more upscale w/ a jazz club downstairs. Pricy-er cue that is regionally diverse in styles they serve.

Virgil's-- Long time stand-by in Times Square-- some love it, some don't. Rumor is that now that there's competition, they've improved the food.

R.U.B. Bar-b-que-- Cookbook author, restaurant consultant and multiple time bbq world champ, Paul Kirk has come to NYC to show how it's done. Opening on 23rd st in the fall/winter of 04.

Dinosaur Bar-b-Que-- Mini-chain w/ outlets in Syracuse and Rochester, the honky-tonkin' biker cookers come to the big city. Live blues is one of their trademarks. Opening uptown on the west side fall/winter 04.

Tennessee Mountain-- Like Virgil's, some call this Soho restaurant some bad names. Some swear by it.

Competition, etc...
Probably the largest sanctioning organization in BBQ is the Kansas City Barbecue Society. Their site is a good place to look for info on how to get involved.

To get recipes, feedback, advice, scuttlebutt and potentially insulted, try the Kansas City Barbecue Forum. There's more information here than you could possibly need.

And lastly, to order a smoker to last you a lifetime (and maybe thensome) try one of these sites. Just be prepared to spend a few grand.

David Klose is making my pit. Some say he makes the Rolls-Royce of cookers.

Gator is plenty nice

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Is there a good way to be dumped?

I'm thinking there's worse and there's better, but not really a 'good' way to be dumped. It's an inherently bad thing, but not when presented as entertainment. Keep those lions hungry and thumbs nimble whilst perusing this modern-day coliseum of heartbreaks.

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Happy birthday, Mittens!

What to get the cat that has everything? Kitty Litter Cake, of course?

and the recipe (quite easy and tasy, by the way!) is right here:


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Silver Duct Tape Mummy

Who doesn't enjoy a nice round of immobilization? Come visit "ohbewan" as he douses himself in sticky, sickly substances, goes sightseeing in unnecessary casts and tries on the latest fashions like brown packing tape outfits and, of course, traditional latex. Disturbing, joyous and not sexy at all.

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Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Welcome aboard. I'm your ship's purser, Gopher

Well, today is the day. I've thought about you for a long time, but haven't been able to commit myself, and now I have. There's so much I want to tell you.

This is as exciting as a really exciting thing. I'm as anxious as someone who is waiting for something really special but it hasn't gotten to them yet, like a letter in the mail from an old friend. Well, the friend doesn't have to be old, or even a friend, really, I guess. In fact, it could be a xmas gift this person is waiting for, or a new subscription to Ham Radio Quarterly, or maybe they aren't waiting for mail at all, maybe it's an order of flu shots that the pharmacy has on back order because the president doesn't know what the heck he's doing, or something. Whatever it is, it's exciting, and I'm glad to share it with you. Come back again, soon. Ok?

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Panorama, dude…..

Takes a second to load, but pretty cool and worth it.

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Just move your lips

October 27, 2004

Note: I will not pander to, nor do I approve of the outcry and insults that have been heaped upon that outrageous faker, Ashlee Simpson. Leave the talent-free hack alone, for goodness sake.

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I could see running over one baby in your driveway, but two? Now, c’mon….

What is the deal with speed bumps, anyway?

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Ah, romance….

Japanese gangster pedophile shows love w/ a severed pinky.

It's not wrong to show your feelings.

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